I've had an amazing number of thoughts running through my lately, and I think it's time to get them down on paper....or rather screen.
This spring was a blur. If you want details on anything that happened, I really don't have them for you because I feel like I was in a fog of busyness, followed by the storm of change that is June in the expat community. I honestly don't know how I survived all of the plates that I was juggling and fires I was trying to keep lit.
A friend of mine uses the analogy of a glass of water to describe life overseas, so whenever I see him, he asks where my cup is at. If it's full, I'm at the brink of craziness. If it's empty, I have so much more that I could (or maybe should) be doing. This spring when I saw him, I told him that I had solved my problem...I just picked up an extra cup. Why try to keep one very full glass from spilling over when you can just carry two. #storyofmylife
What kept me so busy? Just life, really. Well, life the way I live it. Teaching full time, taking post-grad classes, learning the ropes of administration, preparing for a summer at "home", saying see-you-later to so many friends and especially my best friend who is starting a new chapter in a new land... Any of those things on their own or in combination with one or two others would be perfectly fine, but all of them combined to cause me to go on autopilot and just get things done. No time for tears (until the last few days of school, of course), and no time to think about the reality of change that was just over the horizon...just autopilot.
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| A student of mine made me into a Picasso-esque creation. An accurate depiction...sometimes I feel that jumbled. |
I packed up my classroom during those last few days of school, and it didn't hit me until I was in JoAnn's the other day that I don't have to decorate any bulletin boards in the fall. No, wait...I said that wrong...I don't get to. The things that have always been in my classroom in the past won't be in my classroom now because I won't have a classroom. That one lesson on parabolas that I always have wanted to try out? Too late now. That one bulletin board that I thought about putting up last fall? Not happening any time soon. I'm thrilled to be moving into a new position and experiencing new challenges, but there is something about the finality of this chapter closing that is just too much.
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| This has been the #viewfrommyclassroom for the past three years |
Saying goodbye to my classroom was nothing compared to saying goodbye to Sarah, though. I've been blessed throughout my life to have friends that get me, that love me despite my quirks, and that make me a better person. I'm very very lucky and oh so thankful to have people on every continent that I love and that love me. There is something about the experiences that Sarah and I have had in Chengdu that have bonded us in a way that I didn't think possible. We are opposites, and yet we gel. Life over the past four years has been filled with high highs and oh so very low lows, and yet we have always had each other to lean on. Bad day? Call Sarah. Good day? Call Sarah. Nothing to do this weekend? Call Sarah. Saw a funny Jimmy Fallon bit? Call Sarah. Need someone to wander a new corner of the city with? Call Sarah. She has been my go-to for almost everything for four years, and now she is moving. I'm oh so happy for her and the next chapter that the Lord is writing in her life, but I would be lying if I didn't wish that chapter was a little closer to the 'Du and not so very far away. Goodbyes are hard for people that I barely know, but for a heart-friend like her they are brutal. A few months ago I heard a woman crying in the airport waiting for a flight and I didn't understand why she couldn't pull it together in public. The day that Sarah and I said our final Chengdu goodbye on a metro stop and then went our separate ways home, I finally understood that poor woman's plight. FYI, crying on the metro makes people VERY uncomfortable. Very. Don't try it. Just trust me.
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| Our last picture as friends living in the same city. #roommatesatadistance |
And now, I'm in the US, so far removed from the realities of Chengdu life that I don't quite know how to talk about it.
How do I wish I could respond...well, sort of like a school kid who doesn't tell their parents a whole lot when they get off the bus: "How was your year?" "Fine." "What are you going to do next year?" "Cool stuff." "Learn anything cool about life?" "Yep."
It's either that or dive into stories that I don't quite know how to explain of a life that I wish you would just come and see for yourself. If you came, you would understand why I love it so much.
But it's okay if you don't. Just be kind as I talk about my crazy kiddos, explain why I only buy sunglasses on walls in China, and complain about the assorted bacon options in the US. I know I'm weird...I know I don't fit...just humor me for a little while.
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| But seriously, who needs this many options??? |
Sorry, this post was all over the place. Welcome to the currently jumbled mess that is my mind :)
