Caught Red Handed

A few weeks ago, I had a student in my office that was frustrated that I was meeting with their parents because, "If we make a plan together, it seems like it's not my idea. Last week I decided to start trying, and this week you're telling me that you'll all help me try. I don't want to try if it doesn't seem like it was my idea."

Today, I found myself in the same situation, relating to a middle schooler and laughing/crying on the inside over the irony of it all.

It's amazing how much of my days at this point in the school year is spent thinking about the future. I'm making potential schedules, talking to teachers about course load, preparing beginning of the year information, thinking about the best ways to plan the communication of it all, and overall trying to get the ideas in my brain onto paper in a way that seems at least somewhat organized.

And at this point there are very few people who know all of that because it's just not at the "talk about it" point yet.

In the last 48 hours, several people have come to me with ideas of how we can improve; ways that are already on my list and are already in motion...

...but they didn't know about it yet.

And now, you guessed it, it's no longer my idea, but theirs.

And that's frustrating.

It's frustrating to do work and not get the credit you feel that you deserve for it, whether or not you actually deserve it.

And part of me wants to quote that middle schooler mentioned earlier. Sometimes, if it doesn't seem like it was my idea, I'm not sure that I want to try anymore.

I don't mean that.  I do want to try. I want to do the best that I can at my job and help our school be the best that it can be.

That said, I'm learning just how much of my current job is lived behind the scenes....

...and trying not to identify with (or act like) my middle schoolers too much ;)

Night at the movies

There's something about a new take on an old classic that always makes me a bit nervous. I've seen too many of my favorite books made in to less than adequate movies, and far too many of my favorite movies redesigned in such a way that breaks my heart a little.

But wow, Disney, you did it right this time.

I wasn't all that excited for this new version of Beauty and the Beast. Maybe I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I had almost decided that I didn't need to see it in theatres, but when the opportunity arose to go after school today I couldn't resist.

And my goodness...it was marvelous.

I left the theater and sang with my friend Bekah all the way home. I didn't care who heard and didn't care who stared.

I've always wanted life to be a musical, and watching the movie tonight made it a little more possible, even if only for a few minutes.

And beyond singing my way home, I left the theater with a glimmer of hope. I mean, I know it's a movie. It's a fairytale. First of all, there aren't evil spells cast that turn princes into beasts with enchanted flowers that give them a deadline on finding love. Second, if there were princes that had been turned into beasts, it's doubtful that they would be anywhere near Chengdu. It's a movie. I know. Dose of reality realized.

And yet....still, Disney has this way of making little girls (and grown ones) feel like anything is possible.

Beyond all of that, I think my favorite part of the movie was the relationship between Belle and her father. (The fact that Kevin Kline played Maurice probably has something to do with that.) The devotion, the connection, and the sacrifice that are woven throughout the story (and even more so in this updated version) are just beautiful. And my parents live in France...so I'm sure their little town could break into song just like Belle's did.

Okay, I'm rambling....time to put the iPad away (I left my laptop at school today! Aren't you proud?) and get some rest. I wonder what musical I'll watch tomorrow....

Hello old friend

Have you ever gotten so used to something new that you forget just how much you loved the old? In this busy, electronically driven world, I guess there are dozens of things I could be talking about, but my mind is focused right now on just one: books.

I love books.  The stories that waft from the pages into your mind and paint an entire universe where they live out their existences.  The heros, the villains, the twists and turns...they are all so powerful.

I've gotten caught up in TV shows lately, where I can escape reality and just veg out on my couch not having to think about anything.

But books.  Wow.  There is something so different about getting lost in those worlds.

The problem is, so many of my books these days have been loved through the screen of my kindle or ipad. There is something so different about tapping a screen and having a white glow surrounding the words.  It's not that the words are any less powerful, but there is something about their surroundings that takes away some of the thrill.

I love turning the pages. Seeing the wear and tear. The potential of dog-earring the corner when you don't want to lose your spot.

And don't even get me started on the smell of those pages. (I know...I'm strange.  In the words of a good friend of mine, 'You do you, I'll do me.')

And so, on this smoggy/foggy morning, I'm quite enjoying sipping on my coffee and getting lost in another world. We'll see if I emerge anytime soon...

Quick thought (a few hours later): Finished the book in one sitting.  It's been a long time since I did that.  And my first thought upon completion: What shall I read next? This is the life.

Thankful

There was a season where I was trying to focus on things that I am thankful for.  In a time of uncertainty and frustration, I committed to keep my mind on the good.  The places where my cup overflows rather than the spaces where the well runs dry.

And somewhere along the line I lost sight of that.

I got caught up in the craziness, in the busyness, in the stress, in the to-do lists. I found myself frustrated by the unfinished. Stifled by the unsaid. Stuck in the ungrateful.

But that's a dark place, and a place that I don't normally dwell.

Yes, there will be challenges.  Life is full of them.  We grow because of them. If we're not stretched, we'll never know.

And that stretching is something to be thankful for.

And so, today, I'm choosing to be thankful.

As a friend came into my office and talked through a struggle, I found myself overwhelmed by thankfulness for that friendship.

It's a friendship forged in fire and sometimes frustration, but at the end of the day we can talk it out, fight through it, and leave the conversation feeling like something good is on the horizon.  At least that's how I feel.

In this transient life that I live, the friendships go deep quickly and then transition to spanning continents before you know it, but I'm still thankful.

The song from Wicked always comes back to my mind:

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
?Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
...By being my friend

Today, I'm thankful for those friendships that cause us to grow, that help us weather the storms, and that are constants in our lives regardless of distance.

And yet even in that thankfulness, there's the acknowledgement that it hurts a little.

But that's no excuse not to be thankful.

Caught up in it

This week I got caught up in an assignment. It took over every spare thought and seemed to work its way into every conversation outside of school.

But it wasn't a pleasant assignment to get lost in.

For the past two months, I've been in an class on conflict resolution that has been enlightening and stretching in very interesting ways. I knew going into it that it wouldn't be the most pleasant of learning experiences, because much like praying for patience, working on conflict skills requires conflicts to practice them on.

And I can handle that.

I can deal with conflict that involves me.

But the hypotheticals...those are dangerous territory.

The assignment this week was to look at the Virginia Tech shooting that took place on April 16, 2007, and analyze it to pieces. I read in depth reports, looked at laws that changed, focused on the flaws, and read more about the shooter than I needed to.

I can't help but wonder what kind of relationships he had with teachers...

...where he went to think...

...what would have made it end differently.

That's the thing about education...you can't look back and think about what ifs...there are too many variables and too much that can and will iron itself out...

...except when it doesn't.

I'm thankful to be done with this project, but it's lit a new fire in me.

A fire for the students that find themselves hiding in the margins.

A fire for the students who feel lost and don't know how to navigate it all on their own.

What exactly this fire means and where exactly it will lead, I don't know.  But it's there.

And now to start on another project...oh the life of a life-long learner.