In 2016 (or maybe 2017...), that word was trust.
In 2018, it was rest.
2019 was the year of perspective.
And for 2020, yep...I chose pause.
Pause.
There were so many thoughts behind that choice, but let me share the top two with you.
1 - I wanted to take time to breathe. To think. To give myself a beat.
And boy oh boy did I get a beat. The whole world did.
After the conference/retreat that I went to in the summer of 2019, which was called Breathe, I had a renewed understanding of how much rest and refreshment I really needed to be okay. Pause just felt right.
2 - I was tired.
I know, I know, if I'm tired then rest might need to be revisited. But my exhaustion was going beyond that which sleep would cure. If I couldn't truly rejuvenate, restart, realign myself beyond just sleep, I was worried that I was going to lose my mind.
Sooo...I had all sorts of plans.
Plans for a Spring Festival vacation with a friend to explore somewhere new and see old friends and just pause to drink it all in and enjoy it.
Plans for a summer in North America to see family and friends and explore a bit.
Plans for a semester in a new role, preparing for a sabbatical and helping new school leaders adjust.
Plans for a Christmas in France with friends coming along.
Plans to ring in 2021 with the start of a sabbatical and a whole new world on the horizon.
And let me tell you, January was great...
...and then the world changed.
So, what did I learn about pausing?
I learned that you can't always plan your pauses (like I tried to). Sometimes the Father delivers them to you. Maybe it's in the form of stay at home orders, or Home Based Learning, or quarantines.
Maybe when a global pause starts, He allows you to spend 3 weeks at home with your parents, working in the middle of the night but being oh so well cared for by two of the most important people in your life, with long walks by quiet lakes and being up before the sunrise with delightful cups of coffee at all hours.
Maybe in the pause of not knowing quite when to return, He allows you to see two family that you adore on your way back "home", not realizing that this will be the last time you see them with borders closing around the next corner. You might also get to see your brother during this journey home...someone you love oh so dearly but don't see nearly enough. Meals shared and again the sunrises with cups of coffee will be a balm for the soul that you didn't know you needed.
Maybe He gives you the pause of quarantine - 14 days of not walking out your front door. Time to work and bake and cook and be. Time when you get so tired of screens that you're comfortable starting at the ceiling and thinking for the first time in a long time. Just being. What a blessing.
Maybe sometimes He forces you to pause so that you can get to know yourself a bit better. To make a list of wants and hopes and dreams. To rediscover passions and ponder the life-changing moments that got you to this moment. Maybe, just maybe, sometimes He forces you to pause so that you can get comfortable with yourself again.
And maybe He forces the world to pause to remind you (and others, I'm sure), that nothing is certain. That every moment is precious. That you've got to tell the people that you care. Because each moment could be it.
I'm sorry if my word of the year caused issues for everyone else, but I am so thankful that Jesus and I took a long walk together, thinking on pause.
As we look forward to 2021, knowing it won't be perfect but eager for what's around the corner, my goal is to anticipate. I look forward to the unpacking of this word that is sure to come.
