I have a million excuses, of
course.School.The move.The end of the year.Studying for
classes.Traveling.Fatigue.You name it, I can justify it being a reason for silence in the
blogosphere.
But really, I haven’t
written because I don’t want to deal with my thoughts.
I don’t want to deal with
figuring out coming steps or thinking through ones that were already taken.
I don’t want to get into the comparison game for where I’m at compared to where
good friends are that used to be in the same place that we shared.
I don’t want to think through friendships and changes and loss.
I don’t even really want to celebrate and all that is good.
I have this list on my phone
of things to blog about.Things I want
to ponder and then share ponderings on.
But again, writing means thinking.
And my thinker is tired.
So for now, I’m writing to
let you know that I’m okay.And I’m
planning on writing soon…ish.
This year, my good friend Bekah (not to be confused with me...also Bekah...) and I decided to go on a bit of a non-traditional (for us at least) Christmas adventure. Way back in August or September, we found a deal on round-trip tickets to Phuket and bought them, securing 8ish days for ourselves on the beaches of Thailand. We took a risk on a hotel that seemed decent and spent months excited and simultaneously second-guessing our decision, hoping that this trip would be refreshing and wonderful...just what we've been needing.
It really was a marvelous trip, filled with delicious food, sunshine, and sand. Unfortunately, I spent a good 2 or so days sick as a dog and not too keen on leaving the hotel room, but even with that snag in the plans we had such a wonderful time. Christmas Day was spent on remote island beaches, we found a delicious Indian restaurant that we may or may not have eaten at more than 3 times, and elephant riding was also part of the agenda.
I won't write in detail about all of our adventures (although pictures are here for you to peruse and enjoy), but I will say I'm thankful. Thankful for such a good friend to adventure with, a family that understands when I spend a holiday in a random corner of the world, and this amazing continent that I call home having so many nooks and crannies of greatness to explore.
Christmas Morning Sunrise
Christmas Day on the Beach
Lunch buffet on the beach for Christmas? Why not :)
And of course we had to go see the new Star Wars while we could (it didn't come out in China until last week)!
A few years ago, I started choosing a word each year to marinate on. For 2017, that word was rest. Honestly, I mostly forgot about it being a part of my year until New Year's Day when the obligatory reflections on the last 365 days started. At the start of 2017, I thought a lot about rest. What does rest look like in my life? Do I rest well? How can I build true rest into my life on a regular basis?
As bad as I can sometimes be at really resting, I think that I actually found myself in pockets of rest this past year. I've discovered that for me to truly rest, it has to be intentional. It might mean saying no to things I enjoy. it might mean coming across as slightly selfish in order to protect it. It might involve a fair amount of Netflix. And cross-stitching. And coffee. It might not.
I've found that rest is more selective that I thought it would be. It's not possible for me to feel truly rested just anywhere or with just anyone, but that doesn't mean it has to be a solitary verb. What I do know is that the rest I have discovered this year was free of worry and fear and agendas. In that sense, it was rather empty, and yet oh so filling.
Rest is peaceful...and it requires a fair measure of trust.
Trust is a funny thing. 2016 was filled with meditating on that word for me and finding a renewed meaning of it in my life. Funny because true rest seems to require immense levels of trust. To be at rest, one has to feel safe, trusting that all will be well. Trusting that God knows you and loves you and has it covered.
This year, rest took many forms. It came in weeks of babysitting and being an Auntie for so many of my favorite kiddos. It came in vacations void of heavy class schedules and long to-do lists. It involved planning trips that I was excited to plan...or not plan as the case may be. It came in seasons of being okay with the unknown and things beyond my control. It came from being okay with standing up for me and sometimes jumping into the trenches for others.
2016 grew my understanding and application of trust. 2017 stretched my cultivation of rest.
In 2018, my goal is to lean. Lean in and lean on. This will require a bit of falling every now and then, but taking the risk and leaning despite the risk.
As always, I'm sure it'll be another interesting year...
I've been marinating on this word quite a bit lately: advocate.
It all started when someone told me that the word for avocado was the same as the word for lawyer in French. I didn't believe them. Sure enough, 'avocat' is both in French. (Thank you Google Translate!) Still not sure why, but hey...I'll take it.
Anyway, that was just what got me marinating on it. My actual thoughts have nothing to do with avocados...or lawyers...
But anyway: advocate.
What does it actually mean?
How does look in my context?
Who do I do it for?
Who does it for me?
We all advocate for something, don't we? Let's look at the definition before I saunter on...
advocate
noun
ˈadvəkət/
1.
a person who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy.
"he was an untiring advocate of economic reform"
synonyms:
champion, upholder, supporter, backer, promoter, proponent, exponent, protector, patron; More
2.
a person who puts a case on someone else's behalf.
"care managers can become advocates for their clients"
(Thanks, again, Google for making looking up words so insanely easy...)
I feel like so much of my job is as an advocate....a champion....a backer....a supporter....a protector. Sometimes by advocating for someone I'm helping them learn how they can advocate for themselves. Sometimes I am standing in the gap for them...fighting for them...building a wall that they can find a bit of reprieve behind.
As a principal, I want to be an advocate for students. There is nothing that makes me angrier in the realm of education then when parents don't do this for their children. (That is a whole other topic for another day, that I probably will never post about because it makes my blood boil and I tend to get a bit preachy and angry rather than trying to help someone peacefully see what I'm saying. I pray a lot before some parent meetings...and that's all I'm going to say about that.) As adults, we are blessed with the opportunity to stand in the gap for the next generation....to hoist them up on our shoulders to see and do more than we ever can or could. What a privilege...and overwhelming responsibility at times.
Anyway, that's not the path I started this post to walk down...
Lately, my big wondering has been: who advocates for me? Who stands in the gap for me when I need it?
To be perfectly honest, I'm pretty fortunate.
Although I am single and often sometimes wish that the Lord had already brought that soulmate that I hope that he has in store for me along, I know that I'm not alone in my journey.
I have family that stands in that gap for me. They will go to bat for me and be safety nets for me when I need to go to bat for myself. Sure, they're spread around the world and I may or may not always choose to listen to them, but they are there and solid. I never doubt that they care and will raise a voice if I have none.
And I have friends. Oh my goodness do I have friends. I am honored to go to the mat for them and don't doubt that they would go to the mat for me. They are amazing, and so many of them are so much more than friends. They fight for (and sometimes with) me when my strength is failing and I don't want to press forward. They speak up for me when I have no voice. They are my brothers and my sisters. There aren't words to go into just how much I adore tribe that God has given me, but just know that they are splendid.
What seem to I find myself most blessed by in this season, though, is the group I have at work. If you have known me in this season of growth in my life that being a principal is, you've probably heard me talk about the admin team that I work with and just how blessed I am to learn and work alongside them. I also have an incredible group of teachers that I lead that I can be a pillar for and who can also be a pillar for me.
I know that I am blessed.
And yet sometimes I still wonder, who is my advocate? Or better yet, who should I be advocating for that is currently slipping through the cracks.
No real answer today...just words. Story of my life.
