Five things I learned about myself this week...

As per usual, it's been a while since I blogged.  A long while.

And I could write to catch you up on the last year in the life, but I'm not going to.  I'm just going to talk about this week.

I have a new job.  For the last three years, I've been serving in the role of Middle School Principal.  My life has revolved around the world of 11-15 year olds, dealing with the ups and downs of 6th graders starting this great big adventure outside of elementary school, helping 8th graders understand the ups and downs of leadership before they're on the bottom of the totem pole again, and helping teachers and parents understand that 7th grade is basically the terrible twos of middle school, but when you're 2 you don't remember life before it and when you're in 7th grade everyone expects you to have your act together.  It was an energetic and draining and life lightening job and I loved [almost] every minute of it.

And now, I'm Secondary Principal.  My world has expanded from 6th-8th graders to 6th-12th graders.  In middle school, we set schedules for the kids...in high school they choose their classes and change their classes and want to talk about choosing and changing their classes.  Its busier and college decisions are looming on the horizon and life as they know it is nearing an end as they prepare for the next adventure.

So, all that said, my world is a bit different now.  Here are five things I've learned about myself this week, now that I've survived it!

1 - I can get it done.  I may be exhausted and weary and confused 90% of the time about what happened 5 minutes ago, but once I get focused the world is my oyster and mankind are my brethren, 'cuz I can make it happen. Sometimes making it happen comes at the expense of my own sanity and health (food isn't actually essential, right?), but when push comes to shove and the rubber meets the road, I will do whatever it takes to get it done if it's something that needs to get done.  The upside of this: I get things done. The downside of this: I get things done.  Need to get better at delegating, I think...

2 - I need sleep.  On nights this week where I got a solid 7-9 hours, the next day was a delight (relatively speaking) and joy/smiles were constant(ish). On Friday, after only getting 5-6 hours of sleep (and only having a milkshake for dinner, but that's a different story for a different day), I was dead in the water.  I felt like I was about to fall asleep every time I sat down and I had a hard time seeing the silver linings of clouds.  Sure, I got things done and figured it out, but I'd much rather have a baseline of smiles/optimism while getting it done.  So if you see me online or at school after 8 pm, tell me to go to bed...I'll thank you later after I roll my eyes and complain about not needing the care/concern. :)

3 - I love the children.  Like totally adore and want to do whatever it takes to help them succeed.  If you've been around me in a school setting, you probably already know this about me, but I think I needed a reminder.  In the back of my head, I've always thought that I wouldn't be effective with high schoolers.  This week I proved myself wrong. And on top of that, these once kiddos who are ready to face the world head-on are amazing and deep and thoughtful and kind.  They respond so well when they know the intentions behind the rule...and they don't push back out of spite or angst but out of frustration or lack of understanding.  I have thoroughly enjoyed every conversation I've had with every high schooler this week.  I honestly didn't know that that would be where my heart/mind were at this year...but once again the Father knows me so much better than I know myself.  Ask me in a week if I still feel this way.  (Spoiler alert: I will!)

4 - I love teachers.  Now if you ask me at the end of a long day where I haven't communicated well if I love teachers, I might hesitate, but I really do love them and appreciate them and respect them for the different people that they are and ways that they impact the future and our students through what they do in their classrooms.  This week has been filled with a lot of conversations and questions and guidance...and it can be draining when I feel like I'm barely keeping my own head above water...but I am sooooooooooooo thankful for the staff that I work with.  They make me want to be a better leader so that they have more capacity to do what they've been called to do.

5 - I never appreciated my leadership enough as a teacher. "If I knew then what I know now..." I'd always have a list written up of questions/things to talk about when I visited my principal, but I'd also not worry about taking too much of their time when they ask me to sit down and just chat.  The work questions are important, but the relationship is key.  I don't know how they all did it...balancing the intensity of their jobs and still making me feel important and worthy and necessary.  I want to be a leader like that, and I'm so lucky to have had AMAZING examples of this in my divisional principals throughout my teaching career (I'm looking at you Josh and Gloria!).  Now I'm not writing this because my staff aren't appreciative...they are and I've been so incredibly blessed this week by the prayers and encouragements and conversations.  I'm writing this because I don't know that I ever did enough as a teacher to truly show my gratitude...because until entering into this new job this week I didn't realize how much they were juggling.  They did it so gracefully and fluidly.  I hope that I can be a leader like that when I grow up.

Okay enough blogging and verbally (well, typidly...is that a word yet?) processing for one morning.  Time to get organized and head to my favorite coffee shop so I can get caught up on emails.  Having an inbox with 0 notifications or flags is the goal.  Wish me luck!



Ooooo heres a picture of our school staff (elementary, secondary, office staff, etc) from the first day of school.  Our theme this year is "choose joy." and in all these colorful shirts I don't know how you could do anything but smile :)

Anthems these days...

I wrote this back in November of 2018 and never posted it.  Going to go ahead and do that now while I'm thinking about it! 


As some of you know, I have a bit of an addictive personality.

If you don't know this about me, let's just talk about some supporting facts, shall we?

A - I love coffee.  I need coffee.  Coffee fuels me.  I gave it up once...it wasn't pleasant for anyone around and I will support my community by maintaining this addiction. (Since writing this post a few weeks ago, I've got down to one cup of coffee a day.  I know, I'm worried about what's wrong with me, too!)

B - I don't just watch an episode of a show on Netflix.  I watch until I am either asleep, my computer battery dies, or the internet stops working well.  Or the show ends (I'm talking series finale...not season...)

C - 3 words: The. Greatest. Showman.  Saw it seven times in theaters, like that crazy girl I met on the train when I was twelve who saw Titanic 12 times in theaters.  I thought that anyone who saw a movie more than once in theaters was insane.  Fast-forward twenty years and I'm the insane one.


Anyway, addictive personality...that's me.

A month or so ago, one of my close friends here and I discovered the Mean Girls on Broadway soundtrack.  If we lived anywhere in semi-close proximity to NYC we would have already gone and seen it, but in lieu of that possibility, I've been listening to it on repeat when I'm on buses getting between places in the 'Du.  I occasionally belt the songs out because some of them are just so good.


For example, there's "Stupid With Love."

Oh how I can relate and how I love it. 

But that's not what got me writing today.  The song that really got me thinking was "I'd Rather Be Me," the anthem that the character Janis sings presumably when the girls are getting their grievances with each other out in the open after the release of the burn book.  I haven't seen the show so I don't actually know.

While I'm not a fan of what Janis is calling other girls to do in action ("So raise your right finger and solemnly swear, Whatever they say about me - I don't care"), I'm all about the argument behind her words as a whole. Check out the lyrics here.

Some of the one- or two-liners from the lyrics are so spot on for how we act or should act in girl world:

• "I won't twist in knots to join your game, I will say you make me mad, And if you treat me bad, I'll say 'you're bad'"
• "So I will not act all innocent, I won't fake apologise, Let's just fight and then make up not tell these lies. Let's call our damage even, Clean the slate so it's like new"
• "And when they drag you down like they inevitably do, I will not laugh along with them and approve their palace coup cause that's not me"
• "I don't need their good opinions, I have plenty of opinions, Everybody has opinions but that doesn't make them true, What's true is being me, And I'd rather be me, I'd rather be me than be with you"

For some reason, this song ties directly in my mind to "This is Me," a favorite song from The Greatest Showman (which we've already determined to have a soft spot in my heart). This video is from the green-light sessions of the movie, which are powerful and emotional and my favorite.

Here are the lyrics to the song.  

The chorus to the song is so powerful:

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I'm meant to be, this is me

Look out 'cause here I come

And I'm marching on to the beat I drum

I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me

Both "This is Me" and "I'd Rather Be Me" have such powerful messages, but they both have another side (no pun intended for you Greatest Showman fans who know of my love of yet another song).

I would rather be me, and I'm not ashamed of who I am, but where is the acceptance of the fact that we aren't perfect, that there are things that we need to work on and growth that needs to occur?  If these are the messages that we're shouting (or rather singing) from the rooftops, is there another layer that we need to be keeping in mind?

If anyone knows the anthem that combines these two with cooperating with the world around you, hearing what they have to say and listening from a place of love, let me know!

Sunday Ponderings

It is interesting how themes emerge in our thinking over periods of time, whether years of pondering a certain topic or days of giving yourself margin for thoughts.  I’ve been reminded over this past week of break (from both school and routine in general) of the uniqueness of each person that I pass, whether it is someone unknown or someone known, someone old or someone young.  We each have a story.  We each have steps that took us to that place at that time.  We each have understandings and expectations and wonderings that uniquely combine to make us, well, us.

As I walked into my building this afternoon after a quick trip to the grocery store on my way home from fellowship, I found myself entering at the same time as one of the cleaning ladies for my apartment complex.  She’s about half my height (and a slightly smaller percentage of my weight, but we won’t go there) and I would assume twice my age, with a smile that gives me an immense desire to speak the same language and hear her stories.  I hustled a bit ahead of her, not for my usual contest of who gets to push the button first (because of course I still act six and a half at times), but to open the door for her.  What was supposed to be a kind gesture turned into a bit of a show down of who was the kindest, with her insisting that I go and me insisting that she goes and both of us laughing in the doorway unsure of who would win our little contest.  She won.

As I rode up to my 27^th floor apartment, my mind started going a million miles a minute to analyze what just happened.  Why does what I see as such a simple act so often turn into a fun little banter here, and why can’t I approach everything with that same lightness and joy?  Why can’t I be that person more often, just enjoying the moment and the interactions rather than focused on the task.

The message this morning at fellowship was on 1 Peter 3:1-7…submission.  “Wives submit to your husbands…” Oh how I dreaded what would come.  I thought about sitting on my couch instead of going, giving myself a bit of control over the message that I would hear.  Maybe that one message on singleness that someone recommended a few weeks ago would be better? Or what about listening to something from my home fellowship for a change?  But no, I went and I didn’t attempt to throw my shoe (which is a good sign).

It was a good message overall with great advice for wives and husbands, I’m sure, but where does that leave me?  Can I take this message and apply it to me?  I walked away with three overarching questions: who should I submit to, how do I (or maybe should I?) model submission as a single, and what does this mean for the greater body?  I don’t have answers…just questions for now.  I think that’s okay, but is it really just for husbands and wives, or is there more to it?

I’ve heard this passage used as a call to marriage and a set of instructions for within marriage, but what is the Father trying to teach me in it?  It certainly inspires ideas of more qualifications to add to my “Mr. Right List”, but is there more?  The Mary & Martha passage is easy to apply…why isn’t this?

And then, as I often try to avoid doing, I started thinking about my thinking on the topic.  I dreaded todays messages.  Dreaded it.  Didn’t want to go, avoid at all costs, dreaded it.  Why? Because I don’t want to hear advice for others…I want it to apply to me.  I want it to fit my needs.  I want it to be the lesson I need to hear.

But life isn’t all about me.  The world doesn’t revolve around me.  The message doesn’t have to always fit my needs. Holding the door open for the cleaning lady doesn’t mean that she’s going to accept it…

…and that’s something to smile about, isn’t it?

Happy Sunday, friends.

Ohhhh hey there routine…

Do you ever have sudden moments of realization that make everything make sense?  Okay, by everything I mean just random things, but still, you know what I mean (maybe).

I’m flying again.  Another 11+ hour flight across an ocean.  I realize that to some people this would be something amazing.  Crossing an ocean, going from one place to a place totally different.  This past summer I met someone who has never been on a plane.  What an interesting life she leads...shocked by how nonchalant I am about flying. For me, it’s normal.  I’ve been doing this since before I could walk or talk.  Heck, I did it before I was born, as both the metaphorical and literal twinkle in my father’s eye…if you can literally be a twinkle in your fathers’ eye.  I digress…

Last time I flew across the pond (a month ago…), I had a row to myself and I slept 8+ hours.  That is not my norm for flying.  Usually I’m restless, crochet, watch a lot of TV, and drift in and out of various states of awake-ness.

Today is a normal flying day for me.  Watch a movie, take a sleeping pill, have a quick nap while listening to a podcast, wake up remembering that last time you tried to take a sleeping pill on a flight it backfired, turn on a soundtrack that you like, fall asleep again for twenty minutes, turn on another movie, crochet, realize that you have to take out thirty minutes of crocheting because you were one stitch off and it will drive you crazy if you don't remedy it immediately, take another nap, watch another movie, and DS al Coda because you sure as heck aren’t going to take another sleeping pill.

As I waited in line for the bathroom, wishing they’d tell everyone to sit down so I could be the first one to pop up and snag prime bathroom time (because, hey, might as well make this a game/competition of some sort), I got to thinking.  Minus the sleeping pill and being in an aluminum tube full of strangers, this is like a normal Saturday don’t leave the apartment day for Bekah Teusink.  I wake up, make coffee, move to the couch, turn on a movie, fall asleep, make breakfast, remember that I haven’t had any coffee yet, put coffee in the microwave, fall asleep before I drink the coffee, realize that I didn’t turn on a movie but instead it’s a Netflix show that is automatically going on to more and more episodes, drink cold coffee, fall asleep, and repeat to some degree.

My normal Saturday avoid people routine is basically the same as my flying routine.

We could get into the chicken or the egg argument and try to figure out if I spend my Saturdays that way because of how I fly or vice versa, but let’s not.  I’m just happy to have cracked one of the mysteries of me.  I’ve always loved to fly…I’ve only recently (last 6 years or so…that’s recent, right?) discovered how much I like being a hermitess from time to time.

Mind blown?  Mine was.  Time for a nap.

But first...sunrise :)