Sorrow

There are many things I love about Google and the internet in general.  Today, I'm super thankful for the ability to search random quotes about what emotions I'm going through.  It has been a really hard week, and I have the sneaking suspicion that it is just going to get worse...much, much worse.  Goodbyes stink, no matter how many of them you have had to say in the past or how many are sure to come in the future.  So, without further pause, the quotes I have found and my thoughts...


“I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone-you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence.” ― Alyson Noel
So incredibly true.  Whether it's a permanent or a temporary goodbye, a good friend is not to be replaced or simply brushed past in your mind.  They have a permanent residence, in both mind and heart.


“Eventually, everything goes away.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert
So true.  Depressing, but true.


“It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.” ― John Steinbeck
Darker, but somehow so much better.


"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes.  A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.  And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends."  - Richard Bach
That's much better.


Okay enough of all that.  It may be easier to have never had, and easier to think about the returns and eventual hellos, but it's still makes the loss, the goodbyes, the sorrow, very real.   Nothing can lessen or extinguish that.


Enough of my depressing thoughts...be well, friends, wherever you might be!

Location: Auburn, WA
Local Time (PST -- GMT-7): 3:27 p.m. (7/30/2012)
Chengdu Time (CST -- GMT+8): 6:27 a.m. (7/31/2012)

Pair-O-Ducks

As I was packing today, I ran across my Pair-O-Ducks…which will inevitably hold more meaning for me in about 2 weeks.  Confused?  Me too. Let me explain…

You are probably thinking of paradox right about now: 

1. a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth.

2. a self-contradictory and false proposition.

3. any person, thing, or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictory nature.

4. an opinion or statement contrary to commonly accepted opinion.

And if you are thinking that, you are on the right lines, but these are my pair of ducks.

Meet Yay Duck and Yuck Duck.  I'll let you figure out which is which.

There are going to be many things that I come across in the next two years that are hard to handle/process/accept.  And there will be things that are super exciting.  It's going to be important for me to celebrate my yay duck days, but I have to accept the yuck ducks as they come, as well.  I won't want, but it's the balance that leads to a successful life overseas, and anywhere really.

I've been squeezing my yuck duck this afternoon as I've been packing. My yay duck will come out when I hang out with a few good friends later.  The yuck duck will return when I have to say farewell to them for two years.  Yay duck will follow when my head hits my pillow.

Oh the joys of life.

Location: Auburn, WA
Local Time (PST -- GMT-7): 5:01 p.m. (7/26/2012)
Chengdu Time (CST -- GMT+8): 8:01 a.m. (7/27/2012)

Oh the Joys of Learning Patience

Well it's here: my original departure day.  I can't believe that I was going to be ready to go by this point...all packed up and all of my goodbyes said.  I am far from that.  Packing is going well (3 bags down, room almost empty, and just a few bits and pieces left) but it's definitely not done.  I've seen a lot of friends, but putting off the goodbyes is far more enticing than actually saying them, so then I just fill up yet another week that I didn't think I'd have.  Oh the joys of being me!

It's been so good having my dad here for the last week.  He has been so helpful with packing and organizing stuff in storage...I'd be so overwhelmed without him.  On top of that, I've been able to see a lot of people that I don't usually get to while he's in town.  Always fun reconnecting!

I've got to run, but here are a few pictures from the last week or so.  Hope you are well, wherever in the world you might be.

Mount Rainier - Always a delight!

Sunset from Gasworks Park in Seattle

My dad and grandma at Trout Lodge for what would had been her 62nd Anniversary

So beautiful and green...love it!

My Aunt Mary and I

Me, Grandma, Aunt Mary, Uncle Nick, and Papa

My dad and I at Anthony's last Sunday

Location: Auburn, WA
Local Time (PST -- GMT-7): 6:50 a.m. (7/24/2012)
Chengdu Time (CST -- GMT+8): 9:50 p.m. (7/24/2012)

Another Overcast Day in Seattle? Quelle surprise!

It's been an overcast week here in Seattle, and while that would generally irritate me during my beloved summer break, at the moment I'm finding it quite comforting.  Instead of longing to be outside in the sunshine, I'm able to buckle down and get to work sorting through the last of my junk and starting to pack up what will head over the sea with me.  However, I still find ways to get distracted and do absolutely nothing of significance as far as packing goes...like browsing Facebook and blogging, for example :)

On an entirely unrelated note, my dad arrived yesterday and is spending the next few weeks with me here in the Northwest before I head out.  It is so good having him here.  Strange of course, since a majority of my life for the past 9 years has been spent living in a different country (and usually a different continent) than my parents, but still he will always be my daddy and I will always be his little girl.  He's here for a number of reasons, but it is so nice knowing that he was able to come around the world to send me off to another corner of the world.  Oh the joys of being a completely international family!

Okay, must get offline (er...out of my backyard where I can pick up my neighbor's internet) and get to packing.  Hope you are well, wherever you are!


Location: Auburn, WA
Local Time (PST -- GMT-7): 10:58 a.m. (7/18/2012)
Chengdu Time (CST -- GMT+8): 1:58 a.m. (7/19/2012)

Precious Moments

There are a lot of little things that I will miss when I leave, but moments with people that I love are definitely on the top of that list.   I have so enjoyed the last few days at my cousin's house down in Oregon.  I got to spend so much time with her and her husband that was fantastic, and even more silly fantastic moments with her girls.  They are a HUGE part of my life.  I was there when they were born, spent last Christmas vacation with them, and countless other vacations and weekends.  They are the cutest girls in the whole wide world!  You won't be able to convince me otherwise!

I brought a stack of books down for them, some which are already favorites and some that are more meaningful for me to read than for them to hear :)  You win some you lose some!  One that I especially enjoy is Me with You by Kristy Demspey.  It's about a little bear cub and her grandpa, but so much of it is true for me and the girrs.  My favorite pages/lines are at the end of the book.  Let me share those with you.

On days when being me feels like

the sky was painted blank,

you and I together roll

along a brighter track.

And though I'll find new ways

of being me my whole life through,

my favorite me will always be...

when I am me with you.

 

And it's true: my favorite me is the me when I'm with them.  So many possibilities, so much love, and so many ridiculous giggles over nothing at all.  They are such a delight.  Leaving them is the hardest of goodbyes, not just because I love them so much, but because they don't quite grasp the concept yet. I live a few hours away now, so it won't be too different.  Until the holidays hit, that is.  Or the trips up to Washington to see other family when I magically show up.  *sigh*

This whole goodbye thing really does stink.

 

Soph and I on Day 1 :)

Liv and I are definitely smilers by nature :)

Location: Hillsboro, OR

Local Time (PST -- GMT-7): 9:38 a.m. (7/12/2012)

Chengdu Time (CST -- GMT+8): 12:18 a.m. (7/13/2012)

On learning and life

I’m sitting on my last flight of the day, headed home to Auburn, attempting to sleep but awash with thoughts and emotions.  This is my last flight going in to SeaTac for a while, but not my last trip west.  Next time I fly, I’ll be headed so far west that they call it the Far East; so far west that I cross the International Date Line.  Next time I fly, I’ll be headed to yet another new home.

The last two weeks have been so much better than I could have hoped for.  Instead of being bored out of my mind learning things that I already knew, I was introduced to ideas that I may have been familiar with but that I could see in a new light.  I was given the opportunity to look back at who I am, a Third Culture Kid, with a set of skills and issues that is unlike any other labeled demographic.  I was also given the opportunity to consider how my role as an educator will affect the TCKs that I have an opportunity to work with in the next few years.   I was able to look back on the people that have impacted my life; to consider my mentors along the way and to derive from that an idea of who I’d like to be for my students.  Will I be the next Miss Lori and lead the students that I interact with to a deeper love for life and the unique journey that we’re all on?  Will I inspire like Bannister or Waggy-G?  I realize that these names and nicknames mean nothing to most of you, but for those that do recognize them, you know the big shoes that loom before me to fill.  And yet, I realize that the only shoes I need to fill are the ones set before me.  I don’t need to be anyone but me.  Simultaneously comforting and terrifying, isn’t it?

And now the tricky bit of the transition process: being thrilled for what’s coming but having to write the final pages of the chapter that I’ve been loving for the past few years.  As I start to say goodbye and mourn the loss of a home (that being more than just a place: instead it’s a community of friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, and so much more), I can’t help but question why I’m going.  What would possess me to leave something so good behind?  Why would I give up a place that I love where I have been growing solid roots?  Why would I leave a group of friends that means the world to me?  Why would I ever want to say goodbye?  Good questions, and I doubt that I have an answer that would satisfy all of you, but I’m excited for this new adventure and know that it is where I am supposed to be.

Location: Somewhere between Chicago and Seattle

Local Time (GMT-5): 9:10 p.m. (7/6/2012)

Auburn Time (PST -- GMT-7): 7:10 p.m. (7/6/2012)

Chengdu Time (CST -- GMT+8): 10:10 a.m. (7/7/2012)

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Stressing about Stress

Today in our session on cultural change and adjustments as we move to China, we talked about what things stress us out (especially at this point), how we react, and what helps us get over it or process it.  It is so good to be forced to think about, although it honestly does add a bit of stress, oddly enough.

So what do I do here in the States when I have a bad day.  

1 - Drink a Snapple.  I don't know if it's the flavor, the random facts, or the great memories from teaching over the past few years, but Snapple really does make everything better.  I have instant Snapple powder to take with me, so at least I'll have a bit of it with me when I relocate.

2 - Call a friend.  Sometimes this friend is in the same time zone, sometimes they're on the other side of the world.  Oh wait, I can still do that when I'm in Chengdu.  Thank the Lord for the internet!

3 - Find out where my friends are and get to wherever that is as soon as possible.  There is something about friends that makes everything better, even if we just sit around and watch TV.

4 - Kick a soccer ball...against a ceiling...with semi-excessive force.  Now I haven't really done this since Ethiopia days, but boy oh boy it was effective.  I wonder if my school will have a gym with a high enough ceiling for this...

I'm sure there are more, but can't think of them at the moment.  Thankfully, most of these do translate.  It'll be interesting what gets added to the list in the next six months or year.

 

 Oh my goodness, I almost forgot to say Happy 4th of July!  Hope it's a great one, wherever you are and wherever you're from.

Location: Houghton, New York

Local Time (EST -- GMT-4): 9:07 a.m. (7/2/2012)

Auburn Time (PST -- GMT-7): 6:07 a.m. (7/2/2012)

Chengdu Time (CST -- GMT+8): 9:07 p.m. (7/3/2012)

Niagara Falls

Not going to write a whole lot about this, but I had a marvelous Canada Day with my big brother yesterday.  He was a champ and drove all the way to New York to see me!  Parting was, as always, such sad sorrow, but I'm so glad that we could experience Niagara together!!

 

I was in the US and Canada at the same time :)

The American side of the falls

All set to ride into the falls on the Maid of the Mist

After our boat ride

This may be the best part of a store...ever!

Horseshoe Falls

 Both :)

Look at that mist!!

Oo...a rainbow!

Good Canadians on Canada Day

Walking back over the bridge

Location: Houghton, New York

Local Time (EST -- GMT-4): 9:35 p.m. (7/2/2012)

Auburn Time (PST -- GMT-7): 6:35 p.m. (7/2/2012)

Chengdu Time (CST -- GMT+8): 9:35 a.m. (7/3/2012)