One last hold out...

I've always had a problem with stuff.  I like it.  I accumulate it.  I hold onto it in the off chance that it might some day be useful.

One summer when we came back to the States for a few months.  I think it was 2002. We had been in Ethiopia for a few years, and in those years I had lost a considerable amount of weight. Everything was baggy, and while it may have been cool at some point in the 90s it wasn't quite so great in 2002.  Nevertheless, I felt the need to buy a belt for some of my older clothes, just in case (new clothes were also bought, don't worry).

I remember the hunt for the perfect belt.  Not too thick, not too thin..couldn't be colorful...had to go with everything.

And then I saw it.

Sure, it was in the men's section at Walmart, but it was simple and sturdy and just what I wanted.

I loved that it had all of these fancy little holes, so it would always be adjustable.

I'm pretty sure it was the most practical purchase I have ever made.

And I wore it, almost every day for a while there.

I would try out other belts, but they were not quite right.  Too colorful...too flashy...too thin. There was always something wrong with them.

And so, I stuck with old faithful.

In fact, I've worn it at least once a week since 2002. That's 15 years with the same belt.

Now at this point in the post, I'm sure you are completely and totally confused as to why the heck I would write such a long post about something so simple.

Well...

Today, old faithful has failed me. All the years of wear and tear and life on 3 continents finally did it in.

And I'm honestly a bit (maybe a bit more than a bit, but not too much more) sad.

I know, I know...it's just a belt.  But it's officially the last piece of clothing/accessory that I've had since I was in Ethiopia or Kenya.

The last hold out of little old high school me.

And you know that I'm someone that likes to grieve and hold on to memories.

I guess I need to add a belt to my summer shopping list.  That new belt has no idea what it's up against...

Slow down - Part 2 (Because I didn't actually listen to myself from Part 1...)

I had big plans for today. In fact, I even considered writing down my to-do list for the day so that I could have the satisfaction of checking off everything on it as I accomplished all that I needed to before flying out in the morning.

And then I was silly and decided to take out the trash on my way out the door to work...and my back did something and then decided it didn't like movement anymore.

I was sure that it would be fine in thirty minutes...then positive that in an hour all would be well.  Well, it's been 2 and all is not well.  Moving hurts. Staying still hurts.  Life hurts.

But I had a to-do list!  I have things to accomplish and people to see and places to go.

And yet here I sit/lay (depending on the 20 minute interval), annoyed and stuck and motionless.

All of you that know me well, you probably are shaking your head and saying "I told you you needed to take a break, Bek.  Here it is.  Enjoy it!"  Thank you for your sentiment, but I refuse (or at least I want to refuse)!

I'm not a sit still kind of person. I'm not a get hurt and don't move kind of person.  I have a list.  I have a place. I have things that need to be done.

And yet, here I sit/lay. Stuck.

Nothing deep or profound to add to that now (the meds are finally kicking in), but those of you that wanted me to get some rest, be happy...I'm getting it.  Now to try to be in one piece for my flights tomorrow...eek...

Staying

It's not as easy as it seems

To not pack

To not fly

To not leave

There is comfort in the familiar

Ease in the neighborhood

Beauty in the traffic

And even in the chaos

Yet there is emptiness

In the fullness of the suitcases

The rooms echo

And the treasures have new homes

And you live to see it

Because you stayed

It's not your time

The seasons haven't changed for you

The world keeps spinning

The coffee keeps dripping 

The students keep coming

But the new normal has yet to set in

And suddenly, it seems like it's been years

Like they've been gone for centuries

And people have forgotten their names

But you haven't

Staying. 

Not a permanent act

But for now its reality

And tears are accepted

Goodbyes seem easier when you get on a plane

When you escape to an alternate universe

Where no one knows their names

Only you

The streets sound different today

The clouds seem grayer

The mountains further away

And yet, you stayed

Last Day of School

Today marks the end of my 8th year in education.

8 years of first days of school and last days of school. Of lesson plans and grading and teaching and energizing.

8 years of crying on the last day as students leave...I'm just a wee bit sentimental and think about the goodbyes and the hellos and the paths in front of them.

Today also marks the end of a first year for me.  My first year as a principal. First year in administration. First year not having a classroom to call my own.

And the closing of the chapter that today marks feels unlike any closing before.

In teaching, the finals get marked, the yearbooks get signed, the students leave, and there's a massive sigh of relief.  You did it. You made it. It's over.  Bring on summer!

In admin, I'm still waiting for that sigh.

Sure, the year is over.  We made it, physically and emotionally, through what has been a year of high highs and oh so low lows. 2016-2017 is finished...

...and on Monday I have a meeting to start getting 2017-2018 ready to go.

I love that we are ready to get going with it, don't get me wrong. But my brain is already aware that it needs to get in gear for August 15th when new students will be on campus.

That's life in the principal's chair...check one year off the to-do list and get the new sticky-note out for the next.



The last two days have been filled with sweet times and celebrations of people that I love dearly, so bear with me as I celebrate some of them here...

Denise. She was there at the airport when I first landed in Chengdu five years ago and has been a friend and source of joy ever since. Her family is one of the coolest I've ever known and I'm so excited to see what lies around the next bend for them. They will be oh so missed.

Stephanie and her family lived in Chengdu for a good portion of my first two years here in Chengdu and I had the honor of teaching her oldest during that season. They've lived in the Chinese equivalent of Hawaii for the last few years and I had the privilege of spending Thanksgiving there with them a few years ago. So neat having some time to catch up while they were in town for graduation.

These two.  Alison and Tammi. They are kind of the best. Alison and I will spend more time together than ever next year. Tammi and her family will be moving on to new adventures.  Oh how I will miss her unshakable love for the people around her...and her incredible family. They have the gift of grafting people in to their circle without batting an eyelash....they are amazing!

This girl, the one and only Chairwoman, Hannah. She is a lover of life and China and learning.  She's been an inspiration to me and I'm so thankful that I have been able to be a part of her educational journey. She is going to change the world...just you wait!

This team has been a rock for me this year. They are the place to bounce around crazy new ideas, to get perspective on tough situations, and to let loose every now and then when we are feeling the pressure of the positions. They have all taught me so much this year...I survived and thrived because of them!

And then there's Brian. High school principal extraordinaire. My brother and my friend. He used to be the one playing jokes on the world...this year his office has been a steady location of fake cockroaches, random items hidden in random places, and this scene (whatever it is...). It has also been the place where many a conversation has occurred, about life, thinking, endurance, and faith. He is someone who can snap me out of overthinking the tasks at hand and remind me that having fun is okay, too. We moved to China at the same time and stepped into leadership at the same time...it's been a great journey and he and his family will be missed deeply.

I'm grateful for the community that I am blessed to be a part of in Chengdu....they are kind of the best! Sure, we're not perfect, but somehow in all of our imperfection it all turns out alright. He is good!

June: Another Side of It

It's the last week of school, and I just threw out my March to-do list.

All year, we've been saying how quickly June would be here, and now it is.  And man oh man it's not a moment too soon, but oh how I wish it could be a few months away.

I've shared a few times how June (really May and June, I guess) is the worst month in the expat world...so many goodbyes and so many tears.

But let me share a few little fun realities that are also a part of my Junes in Chengdu...

1 - Gorgeous Weather

I love this time of year.  There's a bit of rain, a bit of smog, but oh so many more blue-sky days than normal.  On Monday morning, you could actually see the mountains!  (Which of course made my heart sing.

2 - Lots and lots and lots of goodbye/birthday/end-of-year parties

The weekend was filled with end of year parties, KTV nights, goodbye parties, and birthday parties. My friend Christine and I were at four parties together...on the same weekend!  We had to take a picture...of course it was at the very end of the fourth one on Sunday night, but we documented it!

3 - Amazing amounts of coffee

My favorite cold coffees have new packaging.  That means I'm drinking even more coffee than usual.  My favorite corner store also has new frozen coffee drinks.  I'm very quickly becoming addicted.  It's going to be a good summer.

4 - Intentional time with friends

Whether people are staying or going, June is about quality time.  I spend far more time out with friends in the last few weeks of school then I do contemplating the meaning of life on my couch.  I'm so thankful for amazing friends that build me up, make me think, and bring the laughter with them!

5 - My doorway looking like I'm having a party...

I get really indecisive in June when I'm on my way to school.  This is 2 days worth of shoe decisions.  Mornings have been rough, okay?

6 - Not being so organized...

I got the most organized award at our end of year banquet.  I found it comical that the award was placed on top of my wreck of a desk today.  *sigh* June is not the month where my organizational skills are very visible, but many a schedule is made :)


Only 2.5 days left before the year is over and summer begins.  We can do this...hopefully! :)